See Spot Run (guest)

MOVIE: See Spot Run

GUEST: Midori

NUTSHELL: See Spot Run – Out of the Theater

GOOD THINGS: This “Happy Meal” of a movie is quite possibly the best worst movie I have ever seen. This “tail” is about a kid who wants a dog, an FBI dog on the lam, a mailman who wants the mom of the kid, and bumbling gangsters and FBI agents all chasing each others’ tails. A great no brainer for kids who think people stepping in dog doodie is hysterical.

BAD THINGS: Director Whitesell comes from the cut and paste school of film directing, shooting a cornacopia of reaction shots and piecing them all together in editing (insert Michael Clarke Duncan manic smiling reaction shot here). This movie also has the dubious honor of having the worst kid actor ever in the history of kid actors. I am sure his audition consisted of: Look sad, look surprised, look down (all the same look incidentally). This horrible dud acting (insert pout here) is second only to the Rasberry Award performance of the dog. He doesn’t even fetch balls (pivotal plot point), just stands there and occasionally poops.

FEATURES: Luckily David Arquette suffers from such a terminal case of “Cuteboyitis” that he steals every scene he’s in (which by the way is almost all of them). But, Paul Sorvino and Michael Clarke Duncan, what were they thinking? Easy money and craft service are the only conclusions I could come up with.

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: You know it’s bad when you start saying to yourself, “K9 and Turner and Hooch were way better.” – a sentence you never planned to utter in your lifetime.

NOTABLE: You will watch this movie in awe at how unbelievably bad it is and until your face hurts from laughing – but not at the dog doodie. If farts offend you – especially lethal ones from exotic animals – this movie is not for you.

BEST PART: Mailmen breakdancing.

BEST LINE: Paul Sorvino, “Oh, a tomato.”

CROWNS: Do not attempt.