The Mexican (guest)

MOVIE: The Mexican

GUEST: Firestone Girl

NUTSHELL: Beautiful girl, beautiful guy, beautiful gun, hilarity ensues.

GOOD THINGS: Well, I like square jaws. And skinny dogs. So, yeah. Square jaws and skinny dogs.

BAD THINGS: It was the beginning of Spring Break, and there were lots of teenagers hooting at inappropriate times. “Heh heh. He said stool.” Oh, is this supposed to be about the movie? No chemistry between the beautiful people, etc. etc.

FEATURES: James Gandolfini as a gay man?

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: See above.

NOTABLE: J. Ro wore a cutesy cursive name necklace in the beginning. I’d really like one of those.

BEST PART: See above.

BEST LINE: I had the flu, so was easily distracted from all the dialogue with the flashing big teeth. Oh, and the cursive name necklace. Where can I find one of those?

CROWNS: 3, and only because of the square jaw.

Fight Club (guest)

MOVIE: Fight Club

GUEST: Firestone Girl

NUTSHELL: Mainly a diatribe about how you are not your khakis. With fighting.

GOOD THINGS: Brad Pitt unleashed, Brad Pitt’s abs unleashed, a song by the Pixies, dialogue that makes me squeal with delight.

BAD THINGS: Meatloaf with manbreasts, Jordan Catalano as an unlikeable blonde (I still haven’t gotten over it), and an ending that must have tested better than the more sensible and believable one.

FEATURES: Ed Norton? Simpering? Get out! (although I DO like him), Brad Pitt’s abs, Jack’s raging bile duct, and Helena Bonham Carter as The Chick.

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: Angel Face getting his face bashed in, Meatloaf’s aforementioned mammaries, and general squeamishness with the fighting.

NOTABLE: Brad Pitt chipped his tooth for this role. I mean, stuff in the movie is all really notable, but that’s the thing what sticks out in my head.

BEST PART: Ed Norton and The Chick splitting up the support groups – “Okay. I’ll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia.” “I want that.” “You can’t have the whole brain!”

BEST LINE: I am Jack’s inflamed sense of rejection.

CROWNS: 4 crowns and a shiny barrette