Bridesmaids

MOVIE:  Bridesmaids

NUTSHELL:  Wedding-related shenanigans get out of control when the unraveling Maid of Honor feels threatened by the Bride’s new friend.

GOOD THINGS:  Wendi, McLendon-Covey, Chris O’Dowd, Rose Byrne, Ellie Kemper, best use of a song since Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Annie Mumolo

BAD THINGS:  If you’ve been part of a debauched bridal party or had a female friend, this movie is one of those things that can be too true to life to totally enjoy.  Then again if either of the above describes you, you might actually enjoy it even more like I did.

FEATURES:  Maya Rudolph, Kristen Wiig,  Jill Clayburgh, Melissa McCarthy

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  The engagement party toasts are not up to the level of pain of Mike’s answering machine messages in Swingers but almost.     

NOTABLE:  I love this movie for its understanding of the battleground that womens’ friendships can become and the male cast of the movie is one I’d want to have in every movie:   Chris O’Dowd, Jon Hamm, Matt Lucas, Franklin Ajaye, , Ben Falcone, Terry Crews (!!!!), Michael Hitchcock and Tim Heidecker     

BEST PART:   The airplane scene is my favorite scene in a long time.   

BEST LINE:  “Fuck off, Helen.”       

CROWNS:  5 out of 5

Thor

MOVIE:  Thor

NUTSHELL:  Thor is in so much trouble, you guys! 

GOOD THINGS:  Clark Gregg, Kat Dennings, Stellan Skarsgard, Idris Elba and Jeremy Renner as either Hawkeye or Bullseye (unfortunately I can only think of Alan Alda and a cartoon horse when I think of those names)

BAD THINGS:  Anthony Hopkins gadding about to an acute degree.  One of the Hemsworths who reminds me that we have run out of American actors and thus have to deal with unappealing Australians from now on.

FEATURES:  Natalie Portman, Colm Feore

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Tom Hiddleston in his big boy helmet.  You will always be Magnus being totally irritated by Wallander to me.  

NOTABLE:  Make time to stay after the credits for an additional scene that I didn’t understand but you might.    

BEST PART:  Direction by Kenneth Branagh which is the only reason I saw this movie.   

BEST LINE:  He’s a complicated fellow, isn’t he! 

CROWNS:  4 out of 5

 

Phone Booth

MOVIE:  Phone Booth

NUTSHELL:  Taut thriller in which a duplicitious press agent is pinned down in a phone booth by a sniper until he fesses up to being a hound.

GOOD THINGS:  Josh Pais as Mario! Keifer Sutherland in horn rims! Nice writing, acting and direction and you know it pains me to say that since it’s from the guy responsible for Batman and Robin.

BAD THINGS:  Eyebrow issues, screechy hookers, blood, guido shirts, questionable logistics and continuity?

FEATURES:  Colin Farrell, screechy hookers, John Enos III, peepshows, Forest Whitaker, cellphonearama, Katie Holmes, snipers, pizza guys, Radha Mitchell, Swahili, Keith Nobbs, deceased toy robots, Richard T. Jones

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  I admit the hookers screeching drove me sort of crazy but the main thing is what is up with Katie Holmes pretending to be Joey Lauren Adams?

NOTABLE:  You know that’sa spicy good acting when it makes me give a frig about what happens to Colin Farrell.

BEST PART:  Woozy Keifer sighting

BEST LINE:  Oh no, you didn’t! You just fucked up my dick hand!

CROWNS:  4 out of 5

For Your Consideration

MOVIE:  For Your Consideration

NUTSHELL:  An unworthy, low budget film inexplicably gets Oscar buzz which wreaks havoc on all involved.

GOOD THINGS:  Paper Badge scene with John Krasinki and Paul Dooley, John Michael Higgins as a publicist, Parker Posey, Rachael Harris, Christopher Moynihan, a Pilgrim epic, hilarious depiction of abused writers

BAD THINGS:  Another one of those movies like The Terminal and Closer which are really too similar to real life to enjoy.

FEATURES:  Jennifer Coolidge, Fred Willard in a fauxhawk AND a deerstalker hat, Jane Lynch, hula balls, character named Mary Pat Hooligan, Purim Purim Purim and a spot-on Ed Begley Jr. as makeup artist Sandy Lane

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Christopher Guest’s weird portrayal of a director and Eugene Levy phoned-in agent role made me cringe.

NOTABLE:  I guess since it’s a more familiar subject to the creators than dog shows, folksingers or small town musicals, everything’s a little more bitter and pensive in this one. Definitely not a fun romp but still laugh out loud funny in parts.

BEST PART:  Ricky Gervais. Always Ricky Gervais. Ricky Gervais uber alles.

BEST LINE:  In every actor there lives a tiger, a pig, an ass, and a nightengale. You never know which one is going to show up.

CROWNS:  3 out of 5

Driving Lessons

MOVIE:  Driving Lessons

NUTSHELL:  A shy teen with an overbearing mother takes a part-time job with a dotty has-been actress. Coming of age ensues.

GOOD THINGS:  Rupert salsa dancing! Blotchy Rupert in the tub! Rupert creeping the girls out at the pool! Rupert Rupert Rupert! plus Julie Walters, great non-relating to parents scenes and cloche hats!

BAD THINGS:  Obtrusively tall model Tamsin Egerton as the girl next door, witnessing, adultery, unsane ending that went off the richter scale for discomfort

FEATURES:  Slutty Scottish girls, poetry readings, Rupert doing the choking scene from Othello, loaves and fishes, Michelle Duncan, NIcholas Farrell who is presh presh presh!

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Laura Linney as the approaching-Ordinary-People-level mean mom.

NOTABLE:  As a full-time Rupert Grint enthusiast I am clearly not the most impartial reviewer so… grain of salt, people.

BEST PART:  Something about Rupert riding a bike dressed as a eucalyptus tree just sends me.

BEST LINE:  I’m a poet; I understand the power of words.

CROWNS:  4 out of 5

Keeping Mum

MOVIE:  Keeping Mum

NUTSHELL:  A paroled murderess working as a housekeeper fixes the lives of a family by killing everyone who is annoying them.

GOOD THINGS:  Maggie Smith, countryside, um…

BAD THINGS:  Nosy neighbors, distractingly tall model Tamsin Egerton as the slutty daughter, dogicide, religious jokes and (last but definitely not least) Patrick Swayze in (1) his full creepy Darko mode, (2) a golf sweater and (3) a shiny thong

FEATURES:  Kristin Scott Thomas, Rowan Atkinson, Liz Smith as Gladys Kravitz, Toby Parkes, pond problems

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  The entire Swayze thing is just skin-crawlingly bizarre.

NOTABLE:  When the daughter is so tall and oddly beautiful that you have to write an explanation into the script, please reconsider your casting. Thanks.

BEST PART:  Uh scenes of quaint village life and that

BEST LINE:  Shall I put the kettle on?

CROWNS:  1 out of 5

The History Boys

MOVIE:  The History Boys

NUTSHELL:  In 1983 Sheffield, a group of students at a grammar school spend their last term trying to pass the Oxbridge exams with the help of two very different professors.

GOOD THINGS:  A lot of good words, an impeccable cast, stuff to say about big things like education, love and “Now, Voyager”, cute teenagers, 80’s pop soundtrack, entire scene in French

BAD THINGS:  Deeply, deeply unpleasant subject matter, Clive Merrison as a wacky Thatchery Headmaster

FEATURES:  Richard Griffiths, Frances de la Tour, Stephen Campbell Moore, Georgia Taylor from “Blackpool”, Shaun of the Dead’s mum, sort of a lot of singing

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Here’s this great movie from a play which is possibly staged too similarly to a play but it didn’t bother me a bit. However, the unpleasant subject matter gets closer and closer to the central themes and story until you can’t really avoid it and all every

NOTABLE:  So is the intensely Christian P.E. teacher some sort of archetype in British culture because it does crop up a lot, doesn’t it?

BEST PART:  Oh I love me that little mod kid.

BEST LINE:  How do I define history? Well it’s just one fucking thing after another, isn’t it?

CROWNS:  5 out of 5

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

MOVIE:  Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

NUTSHELL:  Same as the first movie except… nope same thing.

GOOD THINGS:  Cast, some of the ideas for sequences are nice, familiarity, cutie pie killer dawg, Mackenzie Crook is in this one more.

BAD THINGS:  Screenplay, slow pace, CGI madness and general soullessness

FEATURES:  More supernatural + less pirates = Boo

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  I don’t understand the point of having Bill Nighy if he’s going to be covered entirely by CGI. I mean be reasonable, people.

NOTABLE:  Contains scenes that look like you’re on the ride which is a negative in my view but still sort of funny and takes you out of the screenplay bataan deathmarch for a few moments.

BEST PART:  Jack Davenport, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Mackenzie Crook in one movie. Not since Tristam Shandy has casting converged in a manner so pleasing to us.

BEST LINE:  It’s a mythological creature, I can calls it what I wants!

CROWNS:  3 out of 5

Night at the Museum

MOVIE:  Night at the Museum

NUTSHELL:  Wacky CGI thing with Ben Stiller as a security guard trying to control the residents of the Natural History Museum when they come alive at night.

GOOD THINGS:  Features three of my favorite men doing their patented “things” – Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais and Owen Wilson plus Paul Rudd as a wired “bond trader”

BAD THINGS:  Story is a little blah, characters outisde museum wackies are a little blah, predictable action sequences, some atrocious ADR, Jake Cherry as the greasy kid stuff

FEATURES:  Kim Raver, blank-faced puppet creatures, Carla Gugino, Dick Van Dyke, Bill Cobbs, mischevious monkeys, a veritable Noah’s Ark of animated creatures, Sakakawea

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Cavemen make me nervous and coin tricks/sleigh of hand gags make me itch.

NOTABLE:  Written by two of my favorite Reno 911 guys who do get around writing-wise

BEST PART:  Mickey Rooney’s weird name calling

BEST LINE:  Octavius, Mary!

CROWNS:  3 out of 5

The Quiet American (guest)

MOVIE:  The Quiet American

GUEST:  XGirl2000

NUTSHELL:  Amid the chaos of the French-Indochinese war, Michael Caine figures out that the young, American doctor who’s fallen for Caine’s young, Vietnamese mistress isn’t who he says he is.

GOOD THINGS:  Vietnamese landscape… pretty, Asian-French-influenced ’50s-era dresses… and perhaps my fave actor, Michael Caine – we should all become more like Alfie.

BAD THINGS:  The French. Also, I would usually put Brendan Fraser here, but you know what? He wasn’t too bad in this… of course, it probably helps that from the first scene, you know he’s going to die.

FEATURES:  Action, excitement, international intrigue, spies, mean sisters, love triangles, taxi dancers and Encino Man getting shanked as if he were in an episode of Oz – what more could you want in a movie?

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Michael Caine kissing a girl young enough to be his granddaughter (I guess that’s the point though). Caine losing his dignity and crying in a men’s bathroom stall. And most disturbingly, the many shots of war/ bomb destruction, including landscapes filled

NOTABLE:  From what I understand, Miramax was hesitant, post-9/11, to put out a flick that was critical of American foreign policy and Caine had to fight to get this film out there. It’s damn good, so you better go see it.

BEST PART:  Michael Caine, Michael Caine, Michael Caine. I mean, this man is good in schlock. Go see him in something really great.

BEST LINE:  I can’t remember exactly what the line was, but after Encino Man meets the mean sister of Caine’s mistress, he says something like your sister’s nice. Caine’s reply: She’s an angel. Or something like that.

CROWNS:  5 out of 5