January 20, 2010 at 3:41 pm 3 comments

MOVIE:  Avatar

NUTSHELL:  Wow what an achievement in visual effects and design.  Did you ever read that design book – I forget the title. Oh sorry did I drift off there?  What happened?  Is it still just exactly like Ferngully?  Are they still flying around in the trees and learning war is bad and nature is wonderful?  Like the hippies are always saying?  Actually doesn’t everyone say that now mostly – we’ve reached sort of an agreement about that, right?  Not just the hippies anymore.  Which reminds me, you know what’s good?  Homemade granola.  Oh sorry did I drift off again?  I was thinking about Ghostbusters.  The effects weren’t very good in that.  I hope they make another sequel – I love those characters.  I can probably name all the characters from that and all the actors too.  Yes, Sigourney Weaver was in that.  She’s in what?  Oh this movie.  Is she?  Oh right.  Remember Zul?  Hahaha Zul!  And Ernie Hudson.  Good times.  Sorry, what did I miss?  I was thinking about Zul.  Oh yeah the fake people do look realistic.  They look really like authentic blue fake made up-people.  Okay.  Cool, I guess.

GOOD THINGS:  Sometimes Sam Worthington (you might not know who he is but he is like Gretchen Mol a few years ago where she was shoved down everyone’s throat as the next big thing and then went away) looks like Ed Burns.  Remember when he was on Will and Grace that time?  This is sort of like the story of colonial America too.  Did you ever see The New World?  It’s sort of about that.  Great movie. Very pretty but I’m not sure if it’s from a computer or what.

BAD THINGS:  This movie is quite long.  It’s 2 hours and 40 minutes so like 3 hours with trailers and National Guard promos.    That’s like Bridge on the River Kwai.  Remember that movie?  Great movie with great characters.  Of course the explosions weren’t as fancy back then because it was before computers.  Wow,  I should go buy that.  And get the ringtone for my phone.  How awesome would that be?  With the whistling?

FEATURES:  My favorite ringtone ever was that Clash one I had that Aaron made me take off because it reminded him of the whole springy shoes thing.  Hahaha springy shoes!

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Oh oh right.  Sorry!  I just can’t stop yawning.  I am wearing myself out yawning and now my jaw is starting to hurt.  I should have taken a nap earlier.  You wouldn’t mind if I slept for just a second would you?

NOTABLE:  Oh how long was I out?  That long?  How is that possible – they are still flying around on the fucking bird (?) things?  Oh right sorry it IS a different bird.  Is that significant?  Right right.  I’ll ask you later – not that it seems that important.  I guess he befriended it because he’s all naturey now.  Even though he was a Marine before and all the military/ex-military people in this movie are like “Hooray let’s go kill everyone and destroy the world!!”  Like they always are in movies which is pretty idiotic.  Totes magotes thought we were over that.  Hahaha totes magotes!  I Love You, Man was such a great movie.

BEST PART:  Oh, see, I told you destruction of nature would end up being regarded negatively in this movie.  I figured that would come back as a grande negativo.  Not exactly shocked to my core about that one.  And all the fake military people are all “bummer”.  That’s the extent of their characters.  “Yay destruction!  Boo we didn’t get to destroy the world!”  Hey look Ana Lucia from Lost!  Great character. She was a tailie like Mister Eko!  With his stick with bible verses on it.  Also a great character!

BEST LINE:  “Here I am.  Doing Science.”

CROWNS:  1 out of 5


Entry filed under: Firebaton review.

Crazy Heart Green Zone

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Marion  |  January 21, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Mister Eko and his big stick were hot.

  • 2. firebaton  |  January 21, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Yes way better than old whatshisbucket in Avatard.

  • 3. maryc  |  January 17, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    I know I’m really late with this comment, but I just want to say this in regards to the “Bridge On the River Kwai” comment:

    When I was in high school? One of my classmates (a guy who had been my classmate since first grade) said this when the fire bell rang:

    “We should all march out of here whistling the theme to “Bridge On the Rive Kwai” LOL. Good times.

    Um. What movie did you post about again?


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