January 15, 2010 at 10:58 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE:  Spider-Man

NUTSHELL:  Slightly socially-challenged, Mary-Jane-smitten Peter Parker gets bitten by a radioactive spider on a class field trip and develops superness over night. After a personal tragedy, he decides to fight crime rather than go into wrestling. (Whew!) Unfortunately a Jekyll and Hyde type Captain of Industry/SuperVillain decides to pick on the city Spider-Man is protecting and then Spider-Man himself. I hate it when that happens.

GOOD THINGS:  There’s that yummy Kirsten Dunst again and that weird Tobey Maguire. Some actual acting that was nice to see in an action thingy. Big Kahuna even though he’s a little worse for wear in this. Script is good despite all the extenuating factors that would lead you expect that it would turn out super gay and bad.

BAD THINGS:  Bad hair color choices, oddly cold and overly technical cgi sequences made me forget about the characters and story, and while I’m on that subject, there are some really big story holes I was wondering about despite the basically strong amalgam-type script.

FEATURES:  Carjacking, Rosemary Harris, astonishingly bold product placement, James Franco being creepy and tortured again, wrestling and even a character named Bone Saw McGraw, J.K. Simmons, bullies, a Rolls, a cute diner waitress uniform, Joe Manganiello, lunch tray wooing, row houses, lofts, mansions, large blimp type deals I didn’t quite understand and…. BRUCE CAMPBELL!

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  The whole carjacking thing. Sigh. Plus Willem Dafoe who is plenty scary without some gay costume in which to gad about.

NOTABLE:  I don’t understand why Spider-Man is hyphenated. Is it an adjective or something?

BEST PART:  Hmmm nothing stands out. Maybe the New Yorkers giving attitude about the new superhero.

BEST LINE:  “If you’re against one of us, you’re against all of us!” (I think that’s right.)

CROWNS:  4 out of 5


Entry filed under: Firebaton review.

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