January 15, 2010 at 10:55 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE:  Signs

NUTSHELL:  A Motherless Pennsylvania family wakes up to a crop circle and Dad has to figure out how to save his family after he’s lost all faith in the hand of God.

GOOD THINGS:  Cherry Jones, Mel Gibson as a less savvy fav, Joaquin Phoenix stealing the movie, Patricia Kalember, cute dogs

BAD THINGS:  There are a couple things that make you go “huh, what’s that about?” But really it’s just an awesome movie and you should go right away to see it on a big screen. Not that it’ll close any time soon.

FEATURES:  Abigail Breslin, Rory Culkin (seriously, how many are there?), the director as the villian (get outta my head!), Ted Sutton, Michael Showalter (!), little Brazilian kids in pointy party hats (I know I have rules about South Americans but really they are cute.)

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Well it’s a fucking scary movie. I know everyone says it’s not that bad and I am just a freaking pansy but shit with a half an hour to go I really didn’t think I’d make it to the end. I was scared and walking around the house at night in the dark is just undoable for me now.

NOTABLE:  Dear Mr. Director/Writer/Producer, I’d rather you kill the entire cast including Joaquin as long as the animals are okay.

BEST PART:  I rarely say a sad scene for the best part but I thought the dinner table scene was perfect.

BEST LINE:  Is that not the answer you wanted to hear?

CROWNS:  5 out of 5


Entry filed under: Firebaton review.

Shrek Small Time Crooks

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