Eight-Legged Freaks

January 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE:  Eight Legged Freaks

NUTSHELL:  Kickass monster movie that’s heavy on the monsters (and light on the always boring hero story) about spiders who are exposed to toxic waste, grow to Ford Excursion size and try to eat Prosperity, Arizona.

GOOD THINGS:  David Arquette, shitkicking town sherriff Kari Wuhrer and her MARVELOUS HEAD OF HAIR, Doug E. Doug as a conspiracy obsessed pirate radio DJ

BAD THINGS:  Mullets, daterapist, crotch rockets, methane, spider-attacked cats

FEATURES:  Cute kids, Scarlett Johansson, drywall, Spider-Man jokes, Friday the 13th jokes, pants peeing, Scott Terra, Rick Overton, Leon Rippy (any relation to Rodney Allen?), Matt Czuchry, Jay Arlen Jones and Eileen Ryan as smoking Aunt Gladys

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Well it’s a movie about radioactive mutant spiders that try to eat a town. Like that’s gonna all fit in the Uncomfortable Moments box?

NOTABLE:  Damn, I wanted to see that guy use the pitchfork. Bummer.

BEST PART:  I’m a sucker for anything that takes place in a maul.

BEST LINE:  Oswald’s gun! This is the weirdest day of my life!

CROWNS:  4 out of 5


Entry filed under: Firebaton review.

Duets Frailty

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