The Scorpion King (guest)

January 13, 2010 at 1:35 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE: The Scorpion King

GUEST: Nathan Arizona

NUTSHELL: The Mummy: Episode I: Attack of the Rock. Okay, not really.

GOOD THINGS: It’s only about 90 minutes long. Most of the fight scenes are good, especially the one in the cave during the sandstorm.

BAD THINGS: The script, the direction, and performances, all which fail to take full advantage of The Rock’s potential to be a tongue-in-cheek action hero.

FEATURES: Kelly Hu always almost naked. Michael Clarke Duncan being a bad-assed Nubian king. CGI fireants. Sandstorms. The city of Gamorrah as the evil King Memnon’s home base.

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: More than 80 percent of the dialogue.

NOTABLE: The Rock gets at least one chance to do that “People’s Eyebrow” thing he does on Smackdown, Raw, and all those other WWF shows.

BEST PART: The Rock and Michael Clarke Duncan launch into a sword fight and immediately break their swords, so it quickly degenerates into wrestling match, which is what we all really want to see the The Rock do, anyway.

BEST LINE: You mean this movie had a script? Look, I know The Rock has potential. He’s been on Saturday Night Live at least twice and he’s been REALLY FUNNY, but that’s when he has real comedy writers to benefit him. This movie should have been campy fun, like a 90-minute episode of Xena, but instead it comes off as something destined to be lampooned by Mystery Science Theater 3000 (if only that show were still on the air).

CROWNS: 2 out of 5

Entry filed under: Guest Review, Nathan Arizona.

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