The Royal Tenenbaums

MOVIE:  Royal Tenenbaums, The

NUTSHELL:  A really bad dad tries to reconcile with his emotionally-stunted child geniuses.

GOOD THINGS:  Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Bill Murray, Gene Hackman, Anjelica Huston, Ben Stiller, cute dogs, Gwyneth Paltrow, narration, the most loveliest lookingest brilliantest production design ever

BAD THINGS:  Obnoxious old guy next to me: “Boy this movie is slow.”

FEATURES:  Kumar Pallana, tennis, closet smoking, closet trysts, bus trysts, tent trysts, quickie jamaican marriages, lesbianism, psychological research, mental regression, emotional meltdowns, Seymour Cassel as “Dusty”, fire trucks, car crashes, plane crashes, afterschool activities, Alec Baldwin, encyclopedias, Grant Rosenmeyer, accounting, Danny Glover, more eyeliner than should be allowed, fur, twins named Ari and Uzi, Al Thompson, zebra costume, faked epitaphs, weddings, talk shows, bad paintings, sleeping bags, shoplifting, suicide attempts, head shaving, Jonah Meyerson, high finance, Stephen Lea Sheppard, adidas running suits, gypsy cabs, headbands, bowties, face paint, mescaline jokes, dalmatian mice, pink

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Racistness

NOTABLE:  WARNING! Contains footage of Owen Wilson in a cowboy hat and undies.

BEST PART:  Danger with Twins Montage

BEST LINE:  It’s still frowned upon. But what isn’t these days, right?

CROWNS:  5 out of 5