Panic Room

January 13, 2010 at 10:52 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE:  Panic Room

NUTSHELL:  The same night a recent divorcee and her young daughter move into an enormous home in Manhattan, three assholes invade looking for treasure that is unfortunately in the room where the mother and daughter are hiding from them.

GOOD THINGS:  Kristen Stewart, Jodie Foster, General Fincheryness, Forrest Whitaker, Dwight Yoakam who has strangely enough become talented and likeable even as a villain and even when he’s taunting Owen Wilson.

BAD THINGS:  Cornrows? Seriously, cornrows?? Camerawork is so show-offity that I was just rolling my eyes. I really don’t need to see shots go through the handle on a coffee mug. It’s been a while since a character was so annoying that I was overjoyed when they got popped. Creepy ex-husbands suck.

FEATURES:  Jared Leto, pointless androdgyny, bonds, Evian, mini fridges, Morse code, Patrick Bauchau, Ian Buchanan, New York’s finest, Nicole Kidman

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  It’s all pretty tense and I’m not just talking about that neighbor who had no business at all wearing a tank top. (Yeah sorry I never saw Se7en.)

NOTABLE:  Contains odd and incorrect reference to “Titanic.” Oh the horror.

BEST PART:  Ann Magnuson as a ritzy realtor. I don’t know it just made me feel better.

BEST LINE:  I’m Rauol.

CROWNS:  4 out of 5

Entry filed under: Firebaton review, Owen Wilson.

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