Memoirs of a Geisha

January 13, 2010 at 11:19 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE:  Memoirs of a Geisha

NUTSHELL:  Geisha, who are not courtesans except mostly they are, have a hard time becoming and being geisha especially when they fall in love with businessmen and there’s war and they have to do laundry and stuff.

GOOD THINGS:  There are loads of lovely people in this like Ken Watanabe, Michelle Yeoh and Ziyi Zyang. And there is some beauty queen type fighting which I am obviously always up for.

BAD THINGS:  The rest. Especially the out of control velvets in the row in front of me who I finally loudly told to shut up. (First time ever, seriously!) This movie has a lot of weird racist stuff about uniformly pervy Japanese guys and very incorrect things about geisha and I don’t understand how the book got popular at all because it’s world class ghey.

FEATURES:  Aphorisms galore. Such as: “She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.” (I know. Gah.)

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  This movie is 90% uncomfortable, especially when it goes out of it’s way to explain that geisha are not courtesans and then spends most of the movie with them selling themselves all over the place. There is also sort of a lot of screaming young girls in it. And one mean girl character named Pumpkin which makes me nervous for a variety of reasons.

NOTABLE:  I took my mom to this because she loved the book and she was horrified and disappointed by it. It turns out she didn’t read Memoirs of a Geisha but the actual biography of the geisha who sued the guy who wrote Memoirs of a Geisha for making up all kinds of horrible stuff. So that explained it but we will never get those three hours back, will we?

BEST PART:  I think it happened when I went to try to get an usher to control the geriatric rioters. I came back and one of the geisha was setting stuff on fire so probably whatever happened that caused her outburst was the best.

BEST LINE:  The best dialogue was the screaming in Japanese in the prologue that I didn’t understand.

CROWNS:  1 out of 5

Entry filed under: Firebaton review.

Mrs. Henderson Presents Munich

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