Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (guest)

January 10, 2010 at 10:13 pm Leave a comment

MOVIE: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

GUEST: Nathan Arizona

NUTSHELL: It’s all Jar Jar’s fault.

GOOD THINGS: Natalie Portman’s bare midriff. Lightsabers. Christopher Lee. Ewan McGregor’s ability to channel Alec Guinness. Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest-assed mofo in the galaxy. The speeder chase through Coruscant, Obi-Wan playing detective, the gladiatorial arena, and the final battle scene.

BAD THINGS: Ewan McGregor’s Jedi Mullet. A lot of the acting, which I think is due to George Lucas’ inability to say, “Okay, let’s do that scene again, and this time, read your lines with some feeling, okay?” And would it kill him to build a set or cast some actors to wear the Clone Trooper suits, instead of using CGI for everything?

FEATURES: A massacre of Sand People. Yoda showing us why he’s a Jedi master. A scene that feels like a live action sequence of “Super Mario Bros” (the video game, not the movie with Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo).

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS: The so-called “love story” with Padme and Anakin.

NOTABLE: Why doesn’t C3PO remember the Tattooine moisture farm when he returns there in the original Star Wars? I’m sure everyone asks this question… (Yeah and what about Owen Lars not remembering? – ED.)

BEST PART: Mace Windu gettin’ medieval on Jango Fett. Who’s the black Jedi Knight who’s a sex machine to all the chicks? Mace Windu! You’re DAMN right…

BEST LINE: This party’s over.

CROWNS: 5 out of 5, duh, it’s Star Wars…

Entry filed under: Guest Review, Nathan Arizona.

Star Woids (guest) Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

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