Poseidon

MOVIE:  Poseidon

NUTSHELL:  A “rogue wave” upturns a hideous cruise ship on New Year’s Eve and a group of non-characters try to find their way to safety.

GOOD THINGS:  A wasted Andre Braugher, a couple of nice, tense sequences, fireballs, Das Boot lighting in bridge area

BAD THINGS:  Kevin Dillon, Fergie, Jimmy Bennett as the greasy kid stuff, Mia Maestro, no Bingo, no cruise ship jokes? Oh the humanity!

FEATURES:  Kurt Russell, Emmy Rossum, Josh Lucas, Jacinda Barrett, Freddy Rodriguez, dancing, 25% of the Black Eyed Peas, inexplicable, unexpected, unneeded backstory when you least expect it

UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS:  Richard Dreyfuss as a gay, Kevin Dillon in a puffy shirt, watching Fergie get higher billing than Andre Braugher

NOTABLE:  It is very hard to make a movie about a cruise ship that I don’t like. But here it is!

BEST PART:  There’s a diving into fire thing that’s ok.

BEST LINE:  They just opened the elevator with a spatula. Write that down. Actually that was me talking during the movie.

CROWNS:  2 out of 5

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